KNOW YE whom it may concern that We, Norton-1, Emperor
of the United States and Protector of Mexico, have heard serious complaints
that our wardrobe is a national disgrace and even His Majesty, the King
of Pain, has had his sympathy excited so far as to offer us a suit of
clothing, which we have a delicacy in accepting.
THEREFORE we warn those whose duty it is to attend to
these affairs that their scalps are in danger if our said need is unheeded.
10 July 1862
WE do hereby command the Leaders of the Hebrew, Catholic
and Protestant Churches to sanctify and have us crowned Emperor of the
United States and Protector of Mexico.
Given under our hand and Seal of State this 10th day of July, 1862.
11 Sept. 1862
WHEREAS, avaricious persons and others are conspiring
against our person, right and dignity by refusing to supply us with suitable
clothing, although repeatedly requested to do so; and
WHEREAS, the national dignity and rights are thereby
NOW, THEREFORE, we command that you proceed on receipt
of this our decree forthwith to the tailors, Walter and Tompkins, on Montgomery
Street of this city, and then and there proceed to take the rivets out
of their shears and prohibit any person from repairing them or furnish
them with new ones until they shall furnish us with our clothing, which
they have long ago been requested to do.
Given under our hand this 11th day of September, 1862.